Friday, November 22, 2013

Lauren Bousfield-Avalon Vales LP (2013)

I don't know how this thing wound up on my "to review" list, nor do I understand why someone thought I would dig it. The PR page for this guy says that his main influences are Renaissance music and Tori Amos.*

I'm not remotely qualified to review this slab of high-pitched nebulousness. It reminds me of the first time I did 'shrooms. I was at some fancyschmancy outdoor concert (not a show, but a concert: y'know, assholes in suits and evening dresses on DATES! With their FIANCEES! Hilarious!). Half-way through this debacle, as choral singers were intoning about whateverthefuck over a harpsichord or somesuch classical biz I started seeing various historical figures of yore in the clouds: Genghis Khan, Charlemagne, Kim Il Sung (well, not him, but you get the idea). Shit got ugly real quick and I had to smoke about an eighth of weed with a friend before I started calming down.

 This LP  is a nightmare of fat, shrieking opera singers, breakbeats, and some sort of incessant, throbbing tic that may be my own impatience with pretentiousness, or it may be some sort of downtempo bullshit background noise, whateverthefuck.

 Listen to this LP, or not, here.

*When I'm not busy with real life (that is, punk rock, drugs, and alcohol) I study the Middle Ages and thus have a professional grievance with the Renaissance, conceptually. Buncha over-educated, under-employed Italian mofos workin' for the Medici and Visconti and Sforza et. al. thought they were fuckin' clever 'cause they re-discovered Carolingian minuscule and were duped into thinking they had found original, autograph-copies of Cicero's works when in fact C.m. was from the 9th century! HA! Fooled ya!And those assholes invented the term "Middle Ages" (Lat. medium aevum) 'cause these pretentious fucks thought that nothing worthwhile had happened between the Roman Empire and the 1400s.  Fuck the Renaissance and fuck high culture. And Tori Amos? Well, the less said the better.

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